January 2012
1 post
Static Shock!
Woman: *zap* Ouch!
Me: Static shock?
Woman: Yes! I seem to be getting them a lot lately.
Me: I always get them in Homebase. I think it's the trolley and the lino floor.
Woman: I got one from the bath water the other day!
Me: Really? I've had one from a car, but never the bath.
Woman: I hate it, but I have to bath otherwise I will smell.
Me: *pretend laugh*
Woman: Oh well, I'll avoid Homebase AND Tesco from now on.
Me: It's probably best.
Woman: Well... see you back here in 3 months when we have no friends.
Me: And no hair.
December 2011
1 post
November 2011
2 posts
@MuggyLittleC's Rabbit Story
So, Mark’s brother is a gardener/tree surgeon. They were working in a large garden, up a tree. With them, their dog, who was frolicking around the garden. The dog managed to find a way under the fence into next door’s garden. He disappeared.
A while later the dog reappeared, but with a rabbit between his teeth. A large rabbit. Obviously a domestic pet, and not a wild one. The dog...
2 tags
September 2011
2 posts
The Toast Stand
So I had an idea last Saturday morning. I was in Guildford quite early, for a haircut. I’d skipped breakfast in favour of a lay-in. With a few minutes to kill before my appointment, I thought I’d grab something to eat.
My options were unsavoury, to say the least. Greggs or Burger King? Neither were very appealing, but alas, I settled for a Sausage Roll from the former. It was okay,...
5 tags
Drive: Instruction Manual
What begins as a smooth, serene window into the seemingly comfortable life of “Driver” ascends ultra-violently into a colourful juggernaut of hard crime and effortless cool.
The main character, only referenced to by his profession, seems nonchalantly blasé about his work, his home and those around him. Initially, the only thing he has any essence of connectivity with is his vehicle....
July 2011
1 post
8 tags
Explained: Google+ and Photographers
By submitting, posting or displaying the content you give Google a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide, royalty-free, and non-exclusive license to reproduce, adapt, modify, translate, publish, publicly perform, publicly display and distribute any Content which you submit, post or display on or through, the Services.
The key term here is “non-exclusive”. Google are not taking ownership...
April 2011
1 post
6 tags
30 Day Movie Challenge
Day 1: “Favourite Film”
The Insider (1999)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9qCEEy2XcU
Not only my favourite film but this is by far one of the most incredibly orchestrated scenes in any modern piece. See also: my undying love for Russell Crowe.
Day 2: “Least Favourite Film”
The Happening (2008)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIQ21m1Ks08
Is it possible to have a...
March 2011
3 posts
7 tags
4 tags
Tread Carefully: Rubber the movie, a review.
The first review on IMDB for Rubber reads, in a positive light, the less said about this movie the better. They are right – you would find yourself going in circles if you over-analysed this 85-minute French experiment.
The first quote I saw for this movie called it “batshit”. Tongue in cheek, there really isn’t a more fitting word. It isn’t mad. It isn’t crazy....
8 tags
How did Trent Reznor win an Oscar and a Grammy?
Trent make toilets. Reznor make air conditioning units. You may or may not know this. You may or may not know Trent Reznor. Chances are, you’ve heard of him recently.
David Fincher, probably best known for Fight Club, and best forgotten for Alien 3, called upon Trent Reznor to pen an original score for Facebook movie, The Social Network. Once frontman of industrial pioneers Nine Inch...
February 2011
1 post
4 tags
Vodka, OK.
Vodka. Not at all my favourite drink. Vodka to me is like the relative you never call. You have fond memories, some creepy memories, but it’s best for both of you that you just ignore each other’s phone calls.
As a physical liquid body, there’s not much to it. It tastes okay. You can’t savour it. You can’t tell many vodkas apart from one another unless you have...
January 2011
1 post
December 2010
4 posts
6 tags
My Irrational Fear of the Modern Plughole.
It’s not so much a fear, more of an adverse intrigue. And it’s not all types of plughole either. I have no idea when or where it began, all I know is that some plugholes and other similar apertures fill me with questioning and unease.
Sink plugholes I am okay with. Bath plugholes I am not. Not many people sit at the ‘tap end’… for one, the taps don’t feel so...
10 tags
Quiet Riot
A brief look at some of the disregarded moments at the December 2010 student protests. Click images for larger versions.
A policeman with a first aid logo on his baton.
A student trying to burn some concrete blocks.
A photographer with a ridiculous moustache.
6 tags
6 tags
November 2010
6 posts
9 tags
Remastered & Remembered
There is really no synopsis or summary I could muster to introduce ‘Pretty Hate Machine’ with the deserved adequacy. A tenacious and raw album, it marked Trent Reznor’s first commercially successful album as Nine Inch Nails. More electro and synth than industrial, the scratchy guitars and undeniably MIDI drum tracks stamped a faint trademark for NIN’s catchy but dark...
“I have found that the greatest thing a human being can do for his freedom, is to...”
– Atman Damani
“Class is not a matter of income, it’s a matter of knowing that tracksuits are...”
– My Tweet of Yesterday. (via carrozo)
October 2010
5 posts
8 tags
Jobs VS Himself
“We believe integrated will trump fragmented every time.”
Motor-mouthed Mac money man Steve Jobs offers his introspective opinion on the imaginary iOS VS Android battle. Explained, he believes an integrated solution will triumph over fragmented multi-manufacturer solutions.
The Android OS is made by one company, to work on a handset made by another. The apps on that handset are...
6 tags
September 2010
1 post
5 tags
Unwelcome Break
Motorway service stations - sprawling damp meccas to stale Gingsters pasties and dog-eared A-Zs.
Like your worst zombie nightmare come true, mustached midlanders and hyperactive helpline workers stumble and stagger gormlessly into one another like a pit of suicidal science-lab rats.
But you desperately need a piss and you feel safe in M&S, even if its full of the Somerfield massive...
August 2010
8 posts
7 tags
Smart Casual: Why I dumped iOS for Android
Let’s get straight down to business. I found the iPhone very restrictive and bland. When you look beneath the beautiful HD graphics and the glossy icons, it’s a simple BIOS. The minimal information and media that Apple actually let you put into the device is filed away exactly where they want it and how they want it….
I can only compare it to a 50s telephone switchboard....
Modern Amusement.: First Impressionists. →
There was a framed print of this painting in the house where I spent my early childhood. I forgot it existed until I recognized it in the film Amelie. It appears I had also left most of my childhood memories to grow mildew in the back rooms of my mind. I’ve been recalling all manner of quirks,…
My brother’s first blog entry. Amazing how just a few paragraphs and an image can bring...
2 tags
5 tags
July 2010
11 posts
5 tags
6 tags
Going On Holiday On Your Own
What follows is my favourite chapter so far in Charlie Brooker’s “The Hell Of It All”. Having been on a few solo trips abroad, business and pleasure, it all makes perfect sense. It’s funny because it’s so beautifully brutally true…
“Technically, you’re not reading this, because technically, I’m on holiday. Except I’m not. Instead,...
5 tags
5 tags
An Eye For An Eye
This Friday I’ll be circling the city to Elstree TV & Film Studios, in Borehamwood, Hertfordshire. The George Lucas Stage specifically, the current home of Channel 4 Sleepaway Camp horror reality, Big Brother.
In its eleventh and final season, the usual dregs, bums and fuck-ups of society desperately grasp at dreams of tail-coat fame and public airtime acceptance. But with a...
6 tags
7 tags
3 tags
The Modern Megapixel Myth
Imagine image 1 to be taken from a 5.7MP camera and image 2 a 12.8MP camera. Olympus or Sony will have you believe that camera 2 is twice (2.25x, to be specific) as good as camera 1, and that the images are twice as good. Because it produces images with twice as many megapixels. They are right, camera 2 produces twice as many megapixels. But look at the image above. The extra 7.1 megapixels that...
7 tags
House Music
Paul McGuinness, an unlikely spearhead for artistic reform. As former manager of U2, arguably the worlds largest band, he’s probably seen it all. I for one have a dusty old Joshua Tree gatefold LP in my loft, as well as a semi-fresh U2 edition iPod in my desk drawer. Two extremes, one medium. Upon my monthly perusal of GQ magazine, I complained to my snoozing wife “this issue is all filler -...
June 2010
16 posts
6 tags
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